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28 May 2016 @ 08:04 am

Why the fuck am I awake...?


...I ask myself as if I don't already know the answer.

So difficult to get up on my own, but to adapt to Josh's schedule? Fucking cake walk.

I passed out at 11:30pm. Woke up for no reason at 6:45am, it's been an hour and I'm still fucking awake. Can't fall back asleep, my mind is racing, and I've already shed an eye full of tears as I lay here tortured by my own thoughts of him leaving me all those months ago. Almost 18 months now...     fucking Christ, stop counting!!

I know I'm still REALLYfucked up, and even though random stranger Dispo guy made my day better yesterday, I'm still stuck in this awful depression that came on like a plague the minute Josh didn't come back Thursday night.

It's a horrendous feeling to be laying in your ownbed, in your ownroom, in your ownhouse and notfeel like you're at home...

...but would give anythingto go there.

-heavily sighs-

I feel like I'm gonna puke again.